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It is not every friend of yours that you must compare notes with.
As wives we may have different kinds of friends or come across different kinds of women or other wives. Sometimes in our bid to get the best for our families we have to discuss with people their experiences with products, schools for kids, place of shopping etc.
With the most innocent of intentions, you can find yourself having a number of ‘friends’ some you may not even need. It is good to take opinions from other ladies on somethings and learn from them but you must know when and where to draw the line.
Understand who you are and who you are married to. A wise wife is one who can quickly asses people they meet and conclude the level of friendship they can have with them or understand the differences their families have and know how to relate to them. You must understand which level of life you are with your husband. You may just be beginning your marriage life, your backgrounds and current financial standings will immediately place you at a certain level of life. This is where you find yourself, aim at moving to your next level, work towards it and rejoice and celebrate your progress. If you live in a one bedroom apartment, accept it as your beginning and make do with it now. If you don’t have vehicles accept it that it’s your level now, so you need to do a lot of public transport. There is nothing wrong with it. If you don’t have DSTV yet, accept your local stations on your TV and watch their content with joy and happiness.
Now, when you find your level know that there are definitely going to be wives out there who may be your colleagues, age mates etc who may have started life at level 2 or 3 or somewhere higher than you because of their background or their spouses’ background or the work they do or their financial standing etc. There are lots of reasons why they may be living on a higher level from you. There is nothing wrong with it.
Just don’t compare and conclude on your husband and marriage and start being dissatisfied. Your marriage is yours. You will progress in it. Your progress must be according to the plans you have made with your spouse. Your priorities cannot be the same with your friends. Marriage is not a group chat. It’s just for you and your husband. What is going on in your friends marriage is not what must definitely go on in yours.
You can have the same jobs and live in the same area, have your kids go to the same school, and attend the same church but your results will be different. Why? Because your attitudes and mindset and thoughts and purposes can’t be the same. So no matter the similarities the results may be drastically different. Stop comparing notes. You are bound to get it wrong and leave a good marriage for nothing. Or despise your spouse for no reason.
How does the cartons of chicken in your friend’s freezer translate into failure in your marriage? Sometimes if you take a critical look at your situation, you will realize you don’t really lack anything, you just don’t have as much as they may have but you don’t lack it at all.
Your friend’s husband may cook and clean for her but may not have time to chat with her or communicate with her deeply about life issues, your husband may not cook and clean but makes time to sit by you and chat with you and discuss deep things with you at all times. Why do you want him to by all means become like your friend’s husband. Why can’t your husband be the standard for other men but other men have to become the standard for your husband. Focus on your marriage, let your progress be as a result of your desires and wants not as a result of what is happening in people’s marriages.
It’s good to learn from people, but you must not put your marriage under stress to become like people’s marriages. When you see something in a friend’s marriage you admire, reason on how practical it’s going to be for your marriage and discuss with your spouse how best they think it can work for you. But don’t use people’s way of living as a standard for your spouse and expect them to just live up to it. It’s not fair neither is it wise.
Dear Wife, find the path of your marriage and stay in it. Jumping into other people’s path will just confuse you and prevent you from enjoying the beautiful things that God has given you. You are not behind if it’s just you running the race, marriage is a not race where we are looking for a winner. It’s a one man race where you can win at anytime you cross the finish line.